Ashes Ashes...We all fall down...

Ok... So I got in my first car crash tonight. It was a stupid mistake but I am so happy that no one was injured.

I'm not going to lie.... My first thought was "ok I can move into the next lane, speed past them, get off at the next exit, loose them in the chaos of downtown traffic, circle back and make my way down to Mexico where I can spend the rest of my days working to help women get out of brothels. Ten years from now I'll come back married with eight children and under the new alias Maria de los Santos Lopez Ramirez Zuniga.

or something like that....

But no... I made my way out to the shoulder behind them. The owner of the car, her mom, and her sister were so nice to me. I sensed the dad wanted to yell at me so I didn't look him in the eye. It was my first time in an accident and when I expressed this to the family the mother was nice enough to walk me through what was going to happen next.

All in all it was an ok expirience. Other than the fact that my parents might not let me drive ever again. Oh well... I'll have amazing legs by summer.

Putting the Bride in Un-Bridled

Those of you who have received my letters over the last couple of years know my mind when it comes to the idea of marriage. For many years I have referred to myself as the Wild horse that could neither be bridled or broken. I think I might be ready for my domestication, and like Mr. T, “I pity the foo!” that marries me.

To this day, Jesus is the only man I would ever wear a skirt for, either for church or overseas. The day I wear a skirt to please a man is the day I know I have met my match, and the only way to destroy him would be to marry him. His proposal will somehow include the words, “I do not fear you.” If not by then, then definitely by our 50th anniversary.


I decided to put myself up on the market. But I’m very picky when it comes to guys. I want a man who will love God before he loves me, and will love me before he loves himself. Because that is what he can expect from me. A man who is strong enough to take care of me, and allow me to do the same for him.

To aid me, I will have my Johns/Jons. Some women have their girlfriends to aid them in finding a man, I have five testosterone filled, chest-hair covered men. Well… two are, one is not at all, one is in patches, and one is so hairy I call him my Ewok/Wookie Friend. Their names are John Navarrete, Jon McCormick, Jon Brewer, Jon Hines, and Andrew John Kasten. I love Navarrete because he is my longest running male friend and even though I don’t get to see him often, I know “Big Papa J” is only a phone call away. I love McCormick because I feel young and clean when I am with him. Brewer is flawed in so many ways, but he keeps trying. He is a great guy even though he will be the first to tell you otherwise. I love Hines because he is like a good Russian Novel, dark and contemplative. I love Kasten because he encourages me in the faith, and I consider him to be a kindred spirit. He is not afraid of the side of me that is Mexican, and I really appreciate that. It is because of these and others like them, that I am losing my fear of men.

There are many ways of loving someone. There is the Agape love one would have for a friend. There is the love one would have for a brother in the faith (Philleo), and there is the sexual kind of love called Eros. I believe the all-encompassing love is a fulfillment of all these. I will love him as my friend. We will have fun, laugh, and share secrets. I will love his as my brother treating him with respect, purity, challenging each other to grow stronger in our faith. He will be my lover, him and only him.

In our lives, we cannot chose who we love. It is a miracle, an entwining of two souls. When it presents itself to us the only choice we have in the matter is to either accept it, reject it, and when things get hard, to fight for it.

Growing up I witness first hand the dysfunctional nature of my parents marriage. I was angry at them for not being the example I needed them to be. But when my dad got sick and ended up going in for emergency surgery I walked into his hospital room to find both of them cuddling in the hospital bed. They are the exact example that I needed, because when it really hit the fan they still chose each other.

Love is not a fairy tale. There will be no happily ever after, but there will be a happily as long as lovers continue to choose each other and entrusting themselves in the One who can rebuild and restore.

Looking forward to the future,

eva