Papitas con Cebolla y Tomate

The above translates to Potatoes with Onion and Tomatoe. It's one of the first Mexican dishes I learned to make.

When I was little, my parents worked really hard to make sure we were always taken care of. One took a job in the morning and another in the evening. This way someone would always be present to take care of me and my sisters. My dad had the night job, so he would always cook us our breakfast. Now... my dad is not the best of cooks. I firmly believe that if my mom died, my father would soon follow due to starvation. Every day for two months my dad the blender to make us each a Slimfast shake for lunch. To change things up a bit, he would add strawberrys one day or a raw egg the other. According to the label it had all the vitamins and nutrients a person needs. So my father banked on that and fed it to his three daughters.

After a while he decided to try actual cooking.... He fed us scrambled eggs for two consecutive months after that. So at the tender age of ten, I learned how to cook... Not because I liked it, even though I do now... but out of survival. I was 14 before I could eat scrambled eggs again... never had Slimfast since.

Now I love cooking... I find that it is a good stress reliever since I tend to pour my emotions into my food. My family can always tell my mood by how spicy, bland, or amazing my food is. I look forward to having my own place one day. Something you should know about the Mexican community is that so much is centered around the table. We love to feed and be fed and I look forward to having my own kitchen to do that one day.

Charlie the Unicorn 2

Toodoodoo doo doo...

Charlie The Unicorn

Hmmm... I could use a kidney....

The Manhunt Continues

Just because I’ve stopped writing about it does not mean I’ve stopped thinking about it.

I’ve always been told that the attraction is another person is physical first, then emotional, spiritual… whatever. I never fully believed it until recently...

Wanting to test this theory out I took out my Aztec war paint and gear. When my grandma Tina is in town, we usually spend Tuesdays running errands and making dinner. I woke up extra early one Tuesday morning showered, fixed my hair, put on make-up and a cute outfit. I picked up my grandma and went to the grocery store and a bunch of other places. It was interesting to see how many men smiled at me and tried to get eye contact. The reason why I did this with my grandma is because even though she is 4’10” and weights about a 100 pounds, she is not a woman you want to mess with. I have a 6’3” 200 pounds plus guy friend who is afraid of her. I knew I would be safe under her care.

I then went on to change the profile pictures to my Myspace and Facebook accounts to ones that were more feminine and flattering. I continued to get messages from guys that wanted to meet me. Most never went past the initial hello, one got bored after realizing I wanted to start out as friends, but one guy is sticking it out. He knows that I move really slowly, but he’s still there. Don’t know what’s going to happen to that one...

I think my main issue these days is loneliness. I have amazing friends who I feel so close to even though we live so far apart. In that regards I’m not lonely. But there are other needs that haven't been met. Men and women were not created to be alone, and while some do have the gift of celibacy, I don’t.

In John Piper’s book “Desiring God” he talks about marriage being the pattern for Christ’s relationship to the church. Just as Christ gave his life for the church so should the husband for his wife. Just like the church serves to please God, so should the wife the husband. None of this is done out of a sense of duty, because that would void everything. But rather it is done out of a sincere love for one another. I love taking care of people not because it is my duty as a minister of the faith, older sister, or friend but because I truly want to. It makes me happy to see others taken care of.

I want that to be part of my life and I'm sad it hasn’t happened yet.

Kasten is the “John” that I go to when seeking advice on the males of our species. Since he is a guy, I consider him to be an expert. It is because of him and my other Johns/Jons that I’ve been kept out of a lot of trouble. They taught me that I deserved a lot better than what I allowed myself to have. They are a great example of what I should look for in a man. (Included in this list are my sister, Jaime, and Marina who offer a Biblical-Feminine Perspective)

I want someone who is genuinely devoted to God, and seeks to please Him above anyone else. Someone who will love God more than he loves me but loves me more than he loves himself. Someone who can take care of me and put up with all my neurotic tendencies. I would like a passionate man. I am a passionate person and I need someone who can match that… I want a Mark Anthony to my Cleopatra, a Wesley to my Buttercup, a Gomez Adams to my Mortitia, a Lawson to my Laura… I really want a man who will call me on my crap and make me want to be a better person. A man like Rambo, because when my butt has been captured by some Burmese rebels I want a man who will go in and save it. (To get this reference, you may need to watch the last installment off Rambo) Most importantly I want a man whose home is found in God and will follow Him to any nation, because for as long as he follows God, I will follow him... I'm a cuddler... someone who is the same would be nice.

A couple years ago Kasten and I watched “Apocalypto”. Being the huge dork that I am I fell in love with the lead guy in the film. In many ways he embodied the list above… except for the loincloth. I turned to him and asked him if he thought I’d ever find my hunter. He said, “No. He’ll find you.”

I talked to him a couple days ago about all of this. He told me how it really is all about waiting on God’s timing. Doing something other than this could just cause problems. Besides that, what kind of choice is made when it is done in desperation? I would be greatly offended if someone wanted to date me not because he liked me, but because he thought it would be a good idea.

So what more is to be done than to take off my Aztec war paint, gear and wait?

While the physical may be what initially attracts people, it is the spiritual, emotional, and mental connection that truelove is based on. I want to one-day date and eventually marry my best friend. This is based on much more than what we initially see.

Realness

A couple of years ago a group of us got together to catch up. It was the summer I went to India and some in our ISP team decided to meet up at one of our leader's home. The conversation quickly turned to God and our walk with Him. Being at a time of a spiritual high, I started talking about how wonderful it was to be so tightly grafted to God. Lawson Moore started talking about being careful not to take it for granted. There come times in every Christian's life where the peaks can turn into valleys very quickly. I didn't want to believe him, I truly believed that if one were always careful, the high would never end...not true.

When Jesus spoke about the unclean entering the mouth, he was more concerned about what exited. This is what would give testimony of what was in the heart.

Kristen White was one of my mentors while I was at CBU. A group of us would meet once a week in order to learn from each other and keep each other accountable. I mostly kept silent during these meetings because I wanted to learn as much as I could. In one of our last meetings Kristen, knowing that we would eventually become disconnected from one another, encouraged each of us to find a new accountability group. I didn't and I think that was my downfall. I have amazing friends who love me and encourage me and I love them back. But there is a difference between this and a time of focused Bible study and being real with each other and our struggles.

I've been blessed to work in a place where the only Christian is one who is new to the faith and I am mentoring. I've had countless opportunities to speak about God and eternity. One of the girls who cusses better than anyone I've ever met told me how instead of saying her usual battery of words found herself saying "Gosh Golly Darn it" and was surprised how I had rubbed off on her. But if I don't graft myself to God, I'm going to fail her. I've noticed a difference in the way I act, I speak, and react to things... it's not good.

A couple weeks ago my pastor gave a sermon on the promises God made in the Bible. My pastor challenged us to call upon those promises. If He is God he cannot lie. Therefore His word is true and He must fulfill His promises. This is not something new to me... Jeff Lewis said the same thing a couple years ago in one of his classes. If we are lonely, God promised we would never walk alone, call Him on that promise. If we are tiered, God spoke of how His burden is light, call on that. And on go the promises, and on go our responsibility...

Furthermore, our relationship with God is just like any other relationship. We all choose how far we go... how invested.. how real and intimate. I need to make a choice and not be fearful of where it might lead me.

Perfect Love

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him
Lamentations 3: 22-25

I struggle a lot with guilt and often times begin to question His calling on my life. What if I can't do it? What if I'm not strong enough. But the answer to my question is simple... I can't... and I'm not... But the God who can not fail is.

Furthermore who am I to question His reasoning. Guilt is an offshoot of pride... strange huh... It is the assumption that we deserve all that we have, but have failed by our own strenghth. Rather life is a gift that is not hinged on our power, but by His grace. So there is no shame, no guilt, no fear. Just perfect love.