Drought

It's been such a long time since I've felt the presence of God. A couple years ago a friend of mine spoke of going through times of spiritual drought. Having had a time of spiritual ecstasy, I didn't believe this could happen to me. I firmly believed that as long as one went to church, sang the songs, spoke the prayers, and used the correct language, this could not happen. I had grown so accustom to feeling Him near that I began to take it for granted.

After coming back from Rwanda, and going through a couple difficult situations I woke up to I realized He was no longer there, at least not in the way I had known Him. Gone was the feeling of perpetual comfort. Gone was the feeling of unfathomable bliss. Gone was the feeling that He was there, all there was... emptiness.

Instead of chasing after Him I decided to sink deeper into my depression. Instead of fighting for Him, I gave in. I attended church, but was not all there. My bible lay neglected for months. His praises began to leave my tongue. Times of prayer became sparse and mundane.

Then God granted me friends who drew me back to Him. People who taught me to fight for joy, to fight for love, to fight for that which can only be found in Him. I now fight to stand in the community of believers. I am once again picking up my bible. I am learning how to sing again, and go Him in prayer at even the most random of times.

He has yet to show up as He once did. But a friend of mine once said, "When we feel He has gone, it is then that our faith makes us understand He is still there."

He is my Siren's song. Calling me to death. A death of the sweetest kind. A marriage that was ignited in passion, only embers remain. And, where rivers once flowed so abundant and free, only drought stays. So as a faithful wife I will await His return. As we sit side by side, bounded in love, shrouded in silence.

peace,
eva