Matthew 13:44- 46

The Kingdom of Heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his JOY he goes out and sells all that he has and buys that field.

Again, the Kindom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls, who, on fiding one pearl of great value, went and sold all that he had and bought it.


... just something to think about when it comes to worth, value, and truth.

Things that are beautiful to me

in no particular order...

Old married couples walking hand in hand.
This scene is beyond words for me. There is great beauty found in a couple who have choosen each other regardless of what ever life brought them.

Trees.
I love trees. It does not matter if the sun is shining, or it is pouring down rain, their arms are always lifted up praising the Lord.

Sun set after a cloudy/rainy day.
The sky looks as if it's been set on fire.

More to come as I see them.

There is something about morning. There is something about a new day. With the shower that is the birds song falling around me and the gentle breeze washing away the staleness of the previous day. There is something about the way the sun rises. He stands as one of the few constants in my life. Even in the days when the mist descends or the floodgates open he pushes through until his glory illuminates the sky.

There is something about mornings. The subtle miracle of the day reborn.



A term that continues to play in my mind is Namaste. A greeting I learned in India it translates to “I respect divinity within you that is also within me” or “the god in me recognizes the god in you.” If I believe in the divine then I believe that He is creator. If He stands as creator then all that is around me has within it His imprint. This touch from the divine I recognize as the divine spark and this divine spark makes all of human kind worthy of dignity. Therefore, life is sacred and must be protected at all cost. Human slavery robs people of that dignity and belittles them to nothing more than that which is dispensable. Human slavery is an affront to the sacredness of human life therefore it is an affront to God, and I can not stand for that.

Quinceniera

I realized a little too late that I never posted some of the pictures I took at the Quinceniera. It was a very relaxed family affair that was held at the family home. It wasn't anything too spectacular, but it was so much fun.



I wish we would of played soccer at my Quinceniera, but my dress was a lot more fluffy than hers.



Again, I've only known her for about a year, but I am very impressed by who she is becomming.

Karen Martinez

She is the daughter of my Brother-in-Law's Uncle and her Quinceniera is comming up...
I am the sister of the wife of her father's nephew and I can take pictures fairly well..





The family asked me to take the pictures for her Quinceniera. A Quinceniera is similar to the American Sweet 16. It is a right of passage for most Hispanic ladies. It symbolizes the first steps taken into womanhood and is officiated by a ceremony done in church and a celebration following. She's going to have an enlarged picture of herself for people to sign at the Quinceniera and she wanted the picutes to be done at Balboa Beach.





I learned a lot yesterday. I learned about client-photographer etiquet. I learned about angles and where to stand when it comes to direction of the sun. I learned that due to the limited landscape a beach is a difficult place to photograph people. I also learned that the first 15 to 20 minutes of any photography session will most likely be spent on getting the suject to relax. Karen was very rigid at the beggining of yesterday's session, but towards the end she was more relaxed which made for more natural looking pictures.





She's a nice person and mature for her young age.

Psalm 139: 1-18

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; 

you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue 

you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before; 

you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, 

too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit? 

Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; 

if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, 

if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me, 

your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me 

and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; 

the night will shine like the day, 

for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being; 

you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; 

your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you 

when I was made in the secret place. 

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body. 

All the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! 

How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. 

When I awake, I am still with you


Intimacy is truely a scary thing.
But under the right context it is so Beautyful

Commissioning

About  two weeks ago I felt a strong desire to go to my friends church. The Church is known as Expression 58  and they seek to live out Isaiah 58 by creative means. One of the reasons why I love it because of the differing ways people express their worship to God. It is not uncommon to see people perform beautifully choreographed dance or paint as the leader is leading us in songs. I live for ministry, but when you are constantly giving it is easy to find yourself running dry. I go to this church in instances such as this. 

Come this August, I will have been working in Los Angeles for a year to help end Human Trafficking. This has become a passion of mine and I will move out to LA soon to further it. That night after an amazing hour of worship the Pastor came up and asked all those who felt called to work in Los Angeles to remain standing, so I did. He prayed a prayer of commissioning over us. As he prayed and my friend laid hands on me I felt an amazing surge of power run through me. One that could never have originated from myself. 

In that instance God's passion and desire for Los Angeles became blatantly apparent to me. Not only that, but He revealed to me what my part in His desires would be. I am learning to declare war... War on trafficking. War on Sin. War on all types of Slavery.  

It is both compelling and frightening

Charlie the Unicorn 3

Well worth the wait!!

Be sure to pause the music at the bottom of this page.

Motherhood

This week, I celebrated with a close friend as her and her family welcomed a new life into this world. I could not help but think how well motherhood suited her and how all consuming her love for her child is. It made me jealous and got me thinking about the concept of motherhood.

Motherhood is more than the birthing and care-take of children. It is the will and passion to ensure the Physical, Spiritual, Emotional, and Psychological health of another human being. To raise them in such a manner they will be a source of pride not only for the family, but also to the individual themselves. To see within others the divine spark and thus know all humans are worthy of love, compassion, and life. Motherhood requires the eventual sacrificial offering to God, the sacrifice being the child itself. Done under the understanding that His will must be done. But there is joy found in the sacrifice. For there will never exists hands that are more gentler, loving, wise, powerful, or compassionate.

Time

The passage of time is marked in the colors that surround me. It is found in the vibrancy of the new beginnings of Spring, the fading as it stands the straining of the Summer sun, the understanding of its impeding passing as Fall begins to slow life down, and its eventual death as time grows cold. So why am I so surprised that what began so lush and green fell to the deadening factors of time?

Cooling winter envelopes me in her arms as my surroundings succumb to a white slumber. Under her blankets I find rest. Until the Spring rays roll the sleep from my eyes. And I start again.

Twilight The Puppet Saga

BETTER than the movie!

Robby

This made me smile.

Some Research

I was asked to compile some information for the website. Here is what I found.

Trafficking In Persons Report 2008
http://www.state.gov/g/tip/rls/tiprpt/2008/105385.htm

Excerpts Taken from U.S. Government Domestic Anti-Trafficking in Persons Efforts

In Fiscal Year (FY) 2007, DOJ’s Civil Rights Division and U.S. Attorneys’ Offices initiated 182 investigations, charged 89 individuals, and obtained 103 convictions in cases involving human trafficking.

The USG continued to provide strong victim protection services over the year. Through FY 2007, HHS certified or issued eligibility letters to 1,379 victims of human trafficking since the TVPA was signed into law in October 2000. HHS certified 270 adult victims in FY 2007, and issued eligibility letters to 33 minors. Thirty percent of the total 303 victims were male, a significant increase from the six percent male victims certified in FY 2006. Certified victims came from over 50 countries globally and at least 63 percent of them were victims of trafficking for forced labor. Primary sources in FY 2007 of victims were Thailand (48), Mexico (42), Guatemala (25), Philippines (23), and China (21). Certification and letters of eligibility allow human trafficking survivors to access services and benefits, comparable to assistance provided by the U.S. to refugees. The HHS Per-Capita Services Contract implemented by civil society partners currently covers 125 sites across the country providing “anytime, anywhere” services to human trafficking victims.


Human Trafficking: Available Statistics 2005
http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ovc/ncvrw/2005/pg5l.html

Due to the “hidden” nature of trafficking activities, gathering statistics on the magnitude of the problem is a complex and difficult task. The following statistics are the most accurate available, given these complexities, but may represent an underestimation of trafficking on a global and national scale.

Each year, an estimated 600,000 to 800,000 men, women, and children are trafficked across international borders (some international and non-governmental organizations place the number far higher), and the trade is growing. (U.S. Department of State. 2004. Trafficking in Persons Report. Washington, D.C.: U.S. Department of State.)
Of the 600,000-800,000 people trafficked across international borders each year, 70 percent are female and 50 percent are children. The majority of these victims are forced into the commercial sex trade. (Ibid.)

Each year, an estimated 14,500 to 17,500 foreign nationals are trafficked into the United States. The number of U.S. citizens trafficked within the country each year is even higher, with an estimated 200,000 American children at risk for trafficking into the sex industry. (U.S. Department of Justice. 2004. Report to Congress from Attorney General John Ashcroft on U.S. Government Efforts to Combat Trafficking in Persons in Fiscal Year 2003. Washington, D.C.: U.S. Department of Justice.)

The largest number of people trafficked into the United States come from East Asia and the Pacific (5,000 to 7,000 victims). The next highest numbers come from Latin America and from Europe and Eurasia, with between 3,500 and 5,500 victims from each. (U.S. Departments of Justice, Health & Human Services, State, Labor, Homeland Security, Agriculture, and the U.S. Agency for International Development. 2004. Assessment of U.S. Government Activities to Combat Trafficking in Persons. Washington, D.C.: U.S. Department of Justice.)

Attorney General’s Annual Report to
Congress and Assessment of the U.S.
Government Activities to Combat
Trafficking in Persons
Fiscal Year 2007

May 2008

http://www.usdoj.gov/ag/annualreports/tr2007/agreporthumantrafficing2007.pdf

ICE Investigations and arrests:

In FY 2007, ICE opened 348 human trafficking investigations, which consisted of 129 investigations of forced labor and 219 investigations of commercial sexual exploitation. ICE made 164 arrests, 118 for sex trafficking and 46 for forced labor. (Page 23)

Operation Predator is a comprehensive ICE initiative launched in 2003 to safeguard children from foreign national sex offenders, international sex tourists, Internet child pornographers, and human traffickers. In FY 2007, this initiative reached 10,514 arrests of child exploiters, over 5,872 of which have been removed from the United States. (Page 24)

In FY 2007, there were 15 child sex tourism indictments and 23 convictions in cases investigated by ICE. (page 26)

The number of federal investigations and prosecutions of trafficking has increased significantly since the passage of the TVPA. Nevertheless, as noted in the prior assessments, some observers have suggested that U.S. prosecutions are not numerous enough given past estimates of victims that may be trafficked into the United States each year. The difficulty of developing accurate estimates reflects the challenges of quantifying the extent of victimization in a crime whose perpetrators go to great lengths to keep it hidden and whose victims are reluctant to self-identify for fear of being treated as criminals or illegal aliens despite vigorous outreach campaigns and the existence of extensive benefits and immigration relief. (Page 29)

Domestic Cases:

KC man charged with sex trafficking, child pornography
http://www.kansascity.com/news/local/story/867833.html

Location: Kansas City, Missouri 2008
Trafficker: Kansas City Man, 35
Victims: 4 women, one girl
Ethnic background: U.S. Citizens and Missouri residents


Leader of New York-Connecticut Sex-Trafficking Ring Pleads Guilty
http://www.prnewswire.com/cgi-bin/stories.pl?ACCT=104&STORY=/www/story/03-14-2008/0004774504&EDATE=

Location: Bridgeport, Conn. 2008
Trafficker: Corey “Magnificent” Davis
Victims: An estimated 20 females among them were 2 minors, one being only 12.
Ethnic Background: Did not specify

Russian Crime Boss arrested on sex trafficking
http://genderberg.com/phpNuke/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=110

Location: Brooklyn, NY 2005
Trafficker: Asker “Osgar” Mammedov, 31
Victims: Women from Azerbaijan, unknown total, one was 16-17
Ethnic Background: Azerbaijan

Tennessee Man Sentenced for Sex Trafficking of Adults and Jeveniles
http://actioncenter.polarisproject.org/the-frontlines/recent-federal-cases/302-tennessee-man-sentenced-for-sex-trafficking-of-adults-and-juveniles

Location: Nashville Tenn. 2007
Trafficker: Juan Mendez
Victims: Two Girls ages 13 and 17
Ethnic Background: Latin American

Mexican Man Pleads Guilty to Sex Trafficking of Minors
http://www.americandaily.com/article/23520

Location: Charlotte, N.C. 11/2008
Trafficker: Jorge Flores-Rojas, 44 an Undocumented Mexican National
Victims: Two underage females, One woman
Ethnic Background: Mexican, Honduran

This song got me thinking... got me remembering

Hands Held High - Linkin Park

On September 11th 2001 The Twin Towers fell. I was a freshman in College. My very first semester. My dad was driving me to school that day along with my sister. We were fighting about something. Just yelling back and forth. All of a sudden my dad yells at us and tells us to be quiet and over the radio the tragedy that was occurring 3,000 miles away was entering our reality. In a state of numbness I walked up the stairs to class only to be greeted by my professor as he was flying down the stairs declaring class to be canceled for the day. He was a “Cool” guy. The kind of guy who must have been popular in High School… dated the prettiest girls… Succeeded in all sports… could even out-drink my Grandpa… It was odd to see that panic suit him as well. I used a pay phone to call my dad and asked that he turn around and take me home where I spent the rest of the day watching the tv… I was surprised to see that I didn’t cry… I began to wonder why I couldn’t cry…at least … not until they showed pictures of charred dolls among the rubble… children went into the buildings…not all of them made it out.

Grief quickly turned to anger…

I was really upset when “The Day the World Changed” was being used everywhere. It wasn’t the day the world changed; it was the day we were introduced to it.

Anger turned to action…

One of the guys in my class was part of the Special Forces. Talk of war was everywhere. Some opposed it. Some craved it. He spoke of tactics and positioning. How the military was just waiting for the green light… how this war would be over and won in a manner of months… I looked at him and said, “My children will be born into this war” He just looked at me and scoffed. But here we are… seven years later… yeah… poor little stupid girl… she didn’t know what she was talking about…

It is not a people we are fighting... It is an Ideology

By George, I think I've Got It!

Ok… so I’ve been really sick lately. For some reason my body holds on to stress and tension harder than other humans. This causes my immune system a considerable amount of damage. Thus I know I need to take a breather when my health starts to go downhill.

I went home early from work and am currently relaxing wearing my favorite “Chicks With Brains” pajamas. They are my favorite pair because my big sister gave them to me for Christmas a long time ago, they are flannel, and they actually do have cartoonistic baby chicks wearing glasses and fuzzy slippers all over them. All things considering I am enjoying my time at home. My mother made my favorite Mexican soup, Posole, has been making me nice cold fresh fruit smoothies to help with my temperature, spent a majority of yesterday hugging me like when I was five years old, is making sure I take my medicine, and is looking after my cats while I get better.

During one of my fever induced coma/hallucination episodes I came to deeper understanding of my character… One, I act like a child when I’m sick and two... one of the reason why I haven’t entered into a serious relationship is that I have yet to find a man who would take care of me like my mom takes care of me. What she does for me, that’s true love. And, that's what I'm waiting for.

So while some women look for men who remind them of their fathers, I’m going to continue to wait for the man who reminds me of my mother… this scenario is only slightly creepier :)

In the grand scheme of things... I am very small

Christians face attacks in eastern India
Violence has left at least 38 people dead and as many as 30,000 homeless

The Associated Press
updated 2:01 a.m. PT, Sun., Oct. 26, 2008

TIKKABALLI, India - They still worship in what remains of the little Baptist church not far from this forest town. The church is empty except for the rubble swept neatly into the corners. The sun comes through ragged holes where the mob smashed in the window frames.

On the roof, the crucifix is just twisted metal and broken concrete. It's barely recognizable, and you have to ask to make sure that's what it once was.

Here, prayers are said only in secret.

"We do it without making any noise," said Subhash Digal, holding his four-month-old son on his hip as he stood outside the church, where the smell of burned timber lingered on a warm autumn afternoon. "We don't want these people to know we are inside."

In this corner of the eastern state of Orissa, it's hard to find a Christian who isn't afraid.

Bloody anti-Christian riots broke out here in late August, rampages by Hindu hard-liners that since then have left at least 38 people dead, as many as 30,000 homeless and dozen of churches destroyed. The worst of the violence ended after a week or so, when authorities finally deployed soldiers to set up checkpoints and relief camps.

But nearly every day since then, the trouble has continued: a house burned, a carload of people beaten, a soldier hacked to death. Repeatedly, Christian villagers say, they have been told they must convert to Hinduism. The anti-Christian violence has also flickered across other parts of India, with churches vandalized and Christians attacked in the high-tech hub of Bangalore, the city of Mangalore and the coastal state of Kerala.

India's hidden fragility
In a country desperate to be seen as a stable, democratic world power, the violence is a window into India's hidden fragility, its sometimes-dangerous political climate and the fierce historical divisions buried in its vast diversity.

India is more than 80 percent Hindu but its 1.1 billion people include all of the world's major religions, a caste system of near-impossible complexity, colossal divides of wealth and poverty, and, by some estimates, more than 2,000 ethnic groups.

"If you look at Africa, you don't see this kind of diversity, if you look at all of Europe, you don't see this kind of diversity," said Swami Agnivesh, a Hindu intellectual and liberal social activist. When it comes to India's continued existence: "Sometimes I think it's a miracle."

Trouble can seem inevitable. In just the past couple weeks violence has ranged from the northeastern state of Assam, where at least 50 people have died in ethnic clashes, to the central state of Madhya Pradesh state, where three people were killed in religious riots after a Hindu procession passed through a Muslim neighborhood.

Then there is Orissa's Kandhamal district, where widespread trouble began after the Aug. 24 killing of Swami Laxmanananda Saraswati, a hard-line Hindu leader who rose to prominence in the area by advocating that Christian converts return to Hinduism.

Police blamed Maoist guerrillas for the killing, though it's unclear why they would have targeted him.

But Hindu militants quickly turned on local Christians, setting fire to a Christian orphanage and attacking churches and Christian-owned shops and homes. A nun accused a Hindu mob of raping her. At least 32 people have been killed, tens of thousands have fled their homes and thousands are believed still to be hiding in Orissa's thick forests.

The Kandhamal region is a place where villagers tend farms in small valleys circled by humpbacked hills, and where roadside ponds are filled with swimming children and floating lotuses. But it's also a place long cut off by poverty and illiteracy, where electricity is unknown in most villages and the pay for day laborers — the only job most people hope for — is 30 rupees, or 60 cents. That wage is only for men: Women earn 20 rupees, or 40 cents.

Kandhamal has long been a battleground over Christian missionary work among low-caste Hindus and the indigenous people known in India as "tribals." While Christians account for just 2.5 percent of India, their population in Kandhamal has risen sharply in recent decades, reaching nearly 20 percent by the last census in 2001.

Hindu militants say the reason for this is obvious: Missionaries are forcing or bribing people to convert, stealing followers from India's true religion.

'Our culture is being attacked'
"This is a kind of cultural invasion," Gauri Shankar Rath, a top official in the Orissa state VHP, the umbrella organization of Hindu nationalists, said in a telephone interview. "Our culture is being attacked."

Missionaries dismiss such accusations. And conversion does offer worldly benefits: For the low-caste, there's a partial escape from the stigmas of the Hindu caste system. Some missionaries also reach out to followers by building medical clinics and schools.

But as with much of India's violence, the obvious rationale for Kandhamal's bloodshed is really just one tile in a mosaic of discontent.

Much of the bitterness here is rooted in competition between two groups struggling at the bottom of India's social spectrum: the Panas and the Kandhas. The Panas are dalits, the group once known in India as "untouchables," while the Kandhas are tribals. The two have long competed for land, and more recently for jobs and school seats reserved by the government for the disadvantaged.

Over the past 20 years, the Kandhas have largely remained Hindu while many Panas have converted to Christianity, tangling religion into their conflict. Christians — even dalit converts — are not supposed to be eligible for reserved positions, but many Kandhas insist Pana Christian still find ways to get them. The Christians deny the accusation.

Militant group
Then there is politics.

Many of the attacks, victims say, were carried out by the Bajrang Dal, a militant group closely allied to the Bharatiya Janata Party, a Hindu nationalist political party that is part of Orissa's coalition government. The Hindu right-wing has long stirred up religious resentments as a way to shore up its voter base — and Orissa, as people here quickly point out, is expected to hold elections early next year.

"This isn't a war between Hindus and Christians," said Ugrasena Rana, a 32-year-old Hindu from Bujulimendi, a small village where a roaming gang burned down a half-dozen or so Christian homes after the swami was killed. "This is a war between the Bajrang Dal and the people who will not follow their commands."

In some ways, though, the Christians of Bujulimendi are lucky. Their Hindu neighbors have tried to protect them, and many Christian families now sleep in Hindu homes in case the mobs return.

The situation is grimmer outside the ransacked Baptist church, where villagers say their attackers included many people they knew.

That mob, about 50 people armed with knives, swords and clubs, stormed through the village, chanting the name of the Hindu god Ram as they destroyed the church and Christian homes.

Since then, smaller groups have returned repeatedly. There is seldom violence, but they state their message bluntly: convert or die. Eventually, villagers worry, the threat will be carried out.

"What can we do?" asked Digal, the man dangling his baby. "They are trying to force us to become Hindu."

So will he convert?

"I don't know," he said, staring down at the ground. "I haven't decided yet."

Own Me

I was listening to Ginny Owens today. It had been a while since I had listened to her... it has been a while since I've listened to anything other than Incubus, Greenday, Tool, Metallica, or any of the like... I think that is a mistake. While it isn't a bad thing to listen to "secular" music, it is important that it is not the only music I hear.

In the cd I was listening to a majority of her songs called for radical Christianity. For Christian's to follow the example of Christ and take a stand. That is what I'm struggling with right now. What is it that I stand for? And how do I go about doing it? My dad may not have done the best of jobs raising me, but one thing I do appreciate about him is that he did not raise me to stand still, watch, and do nothing.

The question still stands though. How do I go about doing it?

One of her songs is titled Own Me

Got a stack of books,
So I could learn how to live;
Many are left half-read,
Covered by the cobwebs on my shelf.
And I got a list of laws,
Growing longer everyday;
If I keep pluggin' away,
Maybe one day I'll perfect myself.
Oh, but all of my labor,
Seems to be in vain;
And all of my laws,
Just cause me more pain;
So I fall before You,
In all of my shame;
Ready and willing to be changed-

Chorus:
Own me
Take all that I am,
And heal me
With the blood of the Lamb.
Mold me
With Your gracious hand;
Break me till I'm only Yours-
Own me

Oh, you call me Daughter,
And you take my blame;
And you run to meet me,
When I cry out Your name,
So I fall before You,
In all of my shame.
Lord, I am willing to be changed


One of the horrible things about my personality is that I sometimes allow the people God would use to bring me closer to Him and His truth to take precedence over Him. I lose focus of the reality that I don't belong to them... I don't even belong to me... I belong to a God and this is the only way I will be able to fully function.

What Happened To This Person?

and how do I get her back?

I woke up about a half hour ago due to a nightmare. When I was reading through some of my old letters, I came across this insert.

Where did this person go?


Written 7-15-06
He is the reason why the lark sings, the moon shines, and the flowers spring.
He is the reason why the streams murmur, the rivers speak, and the oceans roar.
The purpose for life, the joy in death, the melody of our song, and the reason for breath.
He is our everything.


I'm a Pastor's kid, and those of you who are can understand when I say that we are expected to portray a certain image. So growing up I quickly became accustomed to acting as if everything was ok even though it wasn't. I never allowed myself to show weakness, and even though I was furious at someone I would not allow anyone else to notice. Even the one who had insulted me. Having to constantly play the part of the "Pastor's kid" has lead me to question whether or not I'm constantly playing the part of the "Christian". Do I make myself push aside everything I’m struggling with in order to portray what is expected of me?

Am i just being too hard on myself?

I have my good weeks and my bad weeks... I think this is one of my bad weeks.

"My lover is mine and I am his" S of S 2:16

I had a dream a couple nights ago that I was married to Gollum, and by Gollum I mean the actor who brought him to life Andy Serkis.

I often times find myself thinking about the man I’m going to marry. I dream of him, and can sometimes feel him worshiping along with me when I play my guitar. I pray for the man he is becoming, and that God would continually mold him into the man he needs to be. I love him… I find it amazing that God could have me love someone I may not know yet.

I have a long list of things I look for in a man. I want a man who is passionate about God and makes Him first in his life, even if that means having to push me aside…a man who will continually encourage me to become a better version of me. Due to recent events I've added something to that lis. I want man who can be my safe harbor. Honestly, some days are just too hard. I want a man who I can find rest with. The one physical thing that I am looking forward to the most is not sex, even though I know it is amazing (you don’t have to bite the cookie to know how sweet it is), but rather always having someone to curl up with on the couch with to cuddle and just rest. I know we’ll have our arguments, but above all else I want peace to envelope our house.

I was talking to one of my guy friends this weekend, and after hearing how he is striving to become a better man for God and his future lover, I began to question my standing with mine. I have focused so much on what I want in a man that I never fully contemplated the notion that maybe I’m not what he wants. I’m neurotic, can be too sensitive when receiving criticism, and sometimes speak with out fully thinking how it can affect the other person. I was mistaken in thinking that this time of singleness was due to God molding my future husband into who he needs to be. In reality it is so I could continually be working to become that woman who my husband deserves. It is my responsibility not only to my lover, but to my God as well.

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.
Song of Solomon 3:5




Till I see you again in my dreams…

Deffinition of Sad

Eva is at home on a friday night wearing her pijamas and talking to her cats...

this is wrong...