Into-Me-See

True intimacy is not achieved by a sexual act. It is not the holding of hands or the looking longinly into the eyes of another. Dr. Grimes, a Christian Studies professor of mine, once described it best by breaking it down into Into-Me-See. It is the ability to look into a person, not just at them. To stand naked before another while being fully clothed.

True Intimacy is so rare these days. Our fears cause us to push up barriers. If another saw us as we truly are, would they still see us as beautiful? Would they still be our friend?

The mystery of you surrounds me. Reaching out to your ever present hands I am comforted. Naked I stand before You, but You do not walk away. From barren hands life springs forth, because you are the giver of Life.

Mawwage

I was in the midst of studying for my New Testament exam and I found this:

But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.
1Corinthians 7:28

I thought it was too funny not to post.

My friends will often times hear me complain about how much I want to be married that I am willing to apply for a mail-order-husband. I'm only joking... kind of...

I do want to get married, but not right now. Right now there is too much to do. I have to finish school, get myself financially secure, and most importantly become spiritually, emotionally, and mentally ready.

I will get married one day... but I can hold off on the "headache" for now : )

Before I leave this world...

There are a couple of things that I want to do:

10: Take a month long road trip traveling through the Northern United States and Canada

I love going on roadtrips. Not really knowing where you're going kind of excites me. I want to take a summer off if possible and just roam the northern United States and Canada. I want to live in the back seat of my car, shower in the river, poop in the woods... yeah... that's the life for me.

9: Smuggle Bibles into a Communist Country

Well... kind of already did this...there is an awesome story behind this so feel free to ask me.

8. See Italy

Among all forms of art architecture is one of my top five. I would love to visit this country and just walk the cities and soak it all in.

7. Become an old lady

This might seem kind of stupid, but if you really think about it not everyone makes it. I want to be an interesting old lady though. The kind of old woman the nieghborhood gangsters fear and respect, but children love. When my body is no longer able to work, I want to be the Lord's bard. A person who tells His story.

6. Walk the Great Wall of China

Of all the continents in the world I love Asia the most. With her warm-hearted people and her mountains looking like jagged emeralds my heart was found and left there. I would love to walk the great wall which is the symbol of Asian greatness.

5. Private, very private : )

Trust me... you don't want to know.

4. Be arrested for a good cause

You have not fully lived until you have heard, "We have the Place surrounded, come out with your hands up!"

3. Become my Husbands Muse

I want to be an inspiration to many people, but my husband will be the most important.

2. Give Birth

I really want to be a mother. It's in my nature.

1. Hear the voice of my Savior call me home

I want His voice to be the last thing I hear.

Flyleaf-Fully Alive

Telling Layla's story spoken
'Bout how all her bones are broken
Hammers fall on all the pieces
Two months in the cover creases

Fully alive
More than most
Ready to smile and love life
Fully alive and she knows
How to believe in futures

All my complaints shrink to nothing
I'm ashamed of all my somethings
She's glad for one day of comfort
Only because she has suffered

Fully alive
More than most
Ready to smile and love life
Fully alive and she knows
How to believe in futures


I'm ready to live, ready to breathe, ready to be...to be found in You. Ready to smile and love life.

I have such a heart for music. I struggle with bouts with depression. But the Lord is always there to see me through and bring me back to life. He provides me with people who love me and care for my wounds and He provides me with music that inspires me to unite myself to Him.

He is the reason why I can't help but sing, in the same way that music was used to bring me back to Him, I want to use music to bring others to the only one who can heal and restore.

Cautivo

Tus ojos caen sobre mi como la lluvia
Tu eres mi voz y mi sonreír

Cuando sus voces no me dejan descansar
Y cuando mis manos no paran de temblar
Ahí tu estarás a mi lado

Sea mi aliento
Sea mi motivo
Sea mi amor
Porque soy tu Cautivo

Seek Ye First

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them…And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these…But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Matt 6: 25-33

I write these letters for many reasons… One is to show you the God who is worthy of all Praise, another is to make you think, or just to make you laugh, even if it means making myself look like an idiot. If you laugh, it’s worth it.

This letter is partially in response to my previous letter and partially to the things that are going on around me.

I spent a good part of my Sunday evening talking to a friend of mine who was going through some issues with motherhood. She was afraid she would not be the woman her son needed as a mother. I spent some more time talking to a loved one about marital issues and the uncertainty that is going to come. I’ve spent time talking to brothers and sisters in the faith about dating and relationships. And I’ve spent a lot of time worrying about a job opportunity and personal health issues. As always I turn to my man and the one who watches over me.

This verse came to mind when my Life Span Development professor was teaching on the decisions Young Adults face. People between the ages of 18-35 are faced with having to choose a mate and a career. I do not fear being married to a man, I fear marrying the wrong man. I asked him how I would know who was the right man for me. He quoted Erwin McManus, “When you are passionate about God, you can trust your passions.”

At this point in our lives we should not be worried about finding the right man or gaining the perfect career. Our main focus should be on becoming that Man and that Woman God wants us to become. The more we let God infiltrate us, the more we become like Him and are able to make the right choices. We gain His wisdom, His perception, and a heart like His. When that happens, everything will fall into place. We will become that mother, father, wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, sister, brother, friend, co-worker and boss that we are meant to be. Things may not always be perfect, but they will be as they should be.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Matthew 6: 19-21

My Man

The Journey Ends…

So… a while back ago, when I was still going to CBU, I was waiting for a friend so we could walk to Chapel together. I didn’t know what time it was but I knew it was starting to get late. I started to rummage through my bag to find my cell phone and when I saw the time I shrieked and started power walking to chapel. There I found other friends and sat down next to them. In doing so I realized that I had lost my favorite bracelet. It was simple, no gold or silver, diamonds or rubies, just a couple beads and string. It was my evangelism bracelet. I would use it every day at the children’s center I worked at. Through its colors I would share the story of the most Amazing and Beautiful person I had ever met. It is fulfilling to see how the children so readily understood and wanted to know more. They weren’t jaded or skeptical, they just knew there was something out there that was greater and stronger than anything they had ever been exposed to and they were fascinated to find out how deeply this One loved them. Seeing that I had lost it left me heartbroken.

But I had a Brilliant Idea! I decided to pray that God would return it to me. Not only that, I asked that God would have my man deliver my bracelet back to me. This is how I would know he was the right guy for me. I knew that God had heard my prayer and said yes, He would return my bracelet to me by the hand of the one who would be my man.

After beautiful moments of worship through music, it was time to bring out my Bible. I opened my bag and once again started to rummage through it. God has an amazing sense of humor. There, laying on top of the rim of my Bible was my bracelet.

So you see… God has already given me a man. He’s a little short and chubby, but his pages are marked, worn, and familiar. I have a hard time when I am away from him for a long time. Though I’ve used other peoples “men”, and for the most part they are exactly the same, for some reason they don’t give me the same satisfaction that mine gives me. We have a special bond, this Bible and I.

So this is what I’ve decided to focus on. Enjoying life with my man, and, as Joelle said, the God of the universe who can't take his eyes off of me.